Spring Forward, Fall Back, or Whatever

Today is daylight savings time so we all lost an hour last night which is why your ass is so sleepy right now. I was happily watching television last night at 12:30 when I realized it was time to push the clocks forward. Suddenly it was time to go to bed. Sure, it’ll be nice to see sunlight later tonight, but it was a lot easier on November 7th when I gained an hour. Why I remember it like it was four months ago. I looked at the clock and saw it was 1:00 AM. My glass of margarita was empty and I wiped a tear from my bloodshot eye. But then I moved the clock back an hour and it was deemed necessary to have another cocktail. Joy! I really don’t get the whole Daylight Savings Time thing. I know Arizona and Hawaii don’t even bother with the shit. I think the whole concept started because of needing more light to harvest the crops and that it was better to have more light in the autumnal mornings so children could be seen on their way to school. But, hello? I don’t harvest crops. And put some fucking reflective glow tape on your kid when they have to walk to schoolin the dark. Leave the clocks alone.

Every year, there is some one at work who uses the old “I forgot to change my clock routine” and that pisses me off. And by the way, that excuse only works in the spring. I once worked with this dumb ass bitch who showed up an hour late to work when we set the clocks back. She breezed in an hour late and was all, “Oh my God, am I late?? (exasperated intake of breath) Oh shit! I forgot to change the clocks, I am so so so sorry!” Yeah, bitch, nice try. If you really forgot to move your clock back, then you would be early, not an hour late. Thank you for playing, please try again. Or maybe it’s the fall when that excuse works. I really have trouble understanding it. It reminds me of algebra and geometry class with Mrs. Krebs. She would explain it to me but it would just go in one ear and out my asshole. My brain just can’t wrap itself around certain concepts like math, time, physics, employment, Republicans and empty vodka bottles.

So go change your clocks. Spring forward, bitchs, don’t fall back. And that’s another thing. Wouldn’t it be just as easy to say “fall forward and spring back?” How the hell are we supposed to keep track of time? Who the hell are we? Doc Brown from Back to the Future? Enjoy your day, sleepy heads.

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11 thoughts on “Spring Forward, Fall Back, or Whatever

  1. Mark W

    If we had gone to the same high school, I'd leave a comment here saying "I loved Mrs. Krebs. She was my second favorite teacher, next to Mrs. Svetlik."

  2. Kali

    I find its impossible to miss out on Daylight Savings. There is always someone (parent, friend, coworker) reminding you the week of, the day before, and via text message that night. LOL.

  3. bruce

    time is relative…relatives waste your time…it doesnt matter if you spring forward or fall back…i still do not get back the time i spend with my relatives….

  4. purplegirl

    Actually, I was late because of a clock snafu when we set the clocks back! All my clocks automatically update, but I wanted a comparison so I'd know that they updated. So before I went to bed that night, I plugged in my old alarm clock and set it an hour behind my phone. When I woke up, it was still an hour behind my phone, so I set my phone back an hour and went about my business. Then I turned on my computer and saw that it was two hours ahead of my phone and realized my phone had updated BEFORE I set my alarm clock — so I'd set my phone back two hours instead of one, and was supposed to be at work in five minutes.Whoops! 🙂

  5. Anonymous

    One time I was the bitch who came in an hour late after daylight savings. My thoughts were, "Good thing for daylight savings or else I would have been TWO hours late". Sunday Brunch mixed with Saturday night pity parties, never pretty.


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