Chick-Fil-A a Big Ol’ Homophobe?

It’s no secret that I have professed my love for all things Chick-Fil-A. I grew up in the south so a trip to the mall was not complete without getting that perfectly fried piece of chicken on a white bun with pickles. No garnish, no condiment, no nothing. Pair that bitch up with some waffle fries and a soft serve ice cream cone and I am one happy bastard. However, it pains me to see in the news that Chick-Fil-A is throwing money and support behind some lame ass pro-marriage (read anti gay) group for some stupid ass conference in February. “The Art of Marriage” is designed to “help couples apply what the Bible teaches about marriage in a powerful way.” And since we all know it’s Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve, that means the gays can all go fuck themselves. Why, Chick-Fil-A, why? Why must you soil your delicious reputation by spreading this lack of inclusion around our country? Can’t you see that gay marriage is no more of a threat to heterosexual marriage than the Burger King chicken sandwich is to your chicken sandwich? Some people want to marry another guy and some people want to eat a Burger King chicken sandwich. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean you have to be against it, does it? Would I ever eat a Burger King chicken sandwich? No, I don’t like them. But I am not going to support an organization that wants to make them illegal either. Let’s all live in peaceful marriage and chicken sandwich harmony, okay?

And don’t even get me started on the “but the Bible says so” argument. We all know it says plenty of things that people have chosen to ignore like not working on the Sabbath and being stoned too death for adultery what not. Here are some things that are in the Bible that people seem to think are not important:

  • Leviticus 19:28 says, “You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord.” Wow, this Jimmeny Cricket tattoo might have been a big mistake then.
  • Leviticus 19:19 says, “You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together.” So that apron I wear at work? The cotton/poly blend? Sin!
  • Mark 10:11-12 says, “And He said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.’” I know a lot of freakin‘ adulterers then. And so do you.
  • Deuteronomy 23:1 says in God’s Word translation, “A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord.” So I knew this guy in college who lost one of his balls when he was water skiing. He fell and the rope went between his legs and took one of his balls with it. I’m sure it hurt but not as much as his eternal damnation to the fiery pits of Hell.

My point is that just because it says so in the Bible does not mean it has to be the law for the United States in 2011. Chick-Fil-A, if you are so caught up in maintaining the sanctity of marriage, why not throw some of your waffle fries money to make divorce illegal? I get it, you’re a Christian based company. You are closed on Sunday (which always sucked when I was a kid because that was my mall day and your ass was always gated up.) But can’t you just do what you do best and leave the whole gay marriage thing alone? Get your ass back behind the counter and make some fucking chicken sandwiches and leave the gay marriage thing alone.

In the meantime, I will no longer be your customer. And I hope anyone who reads this will do the same thing. I ban you. As much as I love you, I shall forsake you. You’re wrong, Chick-Fil-A. Just wrong.

pp

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