A Burger With a Side of Gold, Please

Now you know I loves me a good hamburger. What’s not to love? Juicy ground beef slapped onto a piece of enriched white bun with some melted cheese all up on it? It’s perfect food and I am even willing to pay the price for the grass-fed no hormone no antibiotic beef. But there has to be a line. I saw in the news the other day that someone in Vegas is selling a burger for $5,000. Unless that burger comes with a three wished granted by a genie, unlimited french fries and a happy ending, it’s too much.

A chef named Hubert Keller is selling it at Mandalay Bay and it consists of Wagyu beef, foie gras and truffles and served with a bottle of 1995 Château Petrus. I assume that Wagyu beef is the new Kobe. And I don’t want foie gras on my burger. I like pickles. And the bottle of wine is worth $2500 on its own. So why is the burger so much? I did a little research and discovered that the meat is only worth about $50 and foie gras might cost $25 while truffles can cost $50 an ounce. The bun they use is Wonder White Bread. (I might have made that part up.) Maybe the burger is worth about $400. But they are charging $5,000 for it. Why? I’ll tell you why. So that some douche bag can take his gold digging whore of a girlfriend into the Mandalay Bay and order it and look like a big shot. Can’t you just see this guy telling his friends the next day? “Hey, I’ve got so much money that I ate a burger that was worth $5,000, isn’t that impressive? And I have a girlfriend is who is blond and younger than my daughter and I also paid for her to get a boob job because I have so much money. Aren’t I cool? Aren’t you impressed?” No. No we’re not.

I’ll tell you one person who would be very excited to sell that stupid ass burger though: the waiter. A 15% tip on that stupid ass burger would be $750. Which brings me to something else that someone commented on recently. They wanted to know why should they tip more on a filet mignon than a hamburger if the waiter is doing the same amount of work, which is carrying a plate. I see the point. I do. However, in our world we pay taxes on the amount of food that we sell not the number of plates we carry. Tough titty, but that’s how it is. So that waiter who carries the one plate with the $5,000 burger will make bank that night.

But we know that very few people, if any, will order that entree. It’s all publicity for the chef and the restaurant. They know if they put some ridiculous item like that on their menu, it will get talked about and generate press and get people to come to the restaurant that serves the $5,000 burger. But they won’t order it. It’s smart. It worked. Here I am writing about it and giving them more press because I have about 40 people who read this. You’re welcome, Chef Hubert. And in the vein of doing something ridiculous, I add this:

The person who writes the most entertaining comment to this blog by 1/22/10 will receive $5,000 dollars in cash from me. And if I can’t come up with the cash, I will send them a Bitchy Waiter necklace of my choosing. For real. I will do that. Be entertaining.

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Discussion

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