It’s time for some heartfelt advice from The Bitchy Waiter. Do you have an issue that The Bitchy Waiter can help you with? Job, personal, relationships? You name it. You can email me here and I will answer one question a week. Or just email me to say hello. It makes me happy. Let’s see what we find in the mailbag today:
Dear Bitchy Waiter,
I just recently turned 20 years old and my friends threw me a party. Of course there was alcohol there, but I didn’t drink. I never do as I feel it is against my standards. For years my friends have always overindulged with alcohol, and I see how much fun they have when we party while I’m the odd one out. They make fun of me saying that I’m a goody two shoes and how I need to loosen up and have some fun, and I’m beginning to wonder if maybe they’re right. I see commercials for things like Captain Jack, Smirnoff and every type beer you can think of on television. There are also numerous billboards and internet advertisements. Even you have professed your love for alcohol and all things apple martini. I know I’m not yet 21, but I feel like the influence of alcohol is all around me. Everyone else is doing it. Should I?
Sincerely,
Curious
Dear Curious,
Believe it or not, I say don’t drink. First off, you’re only 20 and it’s illegal. Secondly, there is no hurry. If you don’t want to drink, then don’t drink. When I was in high school, I too was pressured to do a lot of things I never really wanted to do. People called me Goody Two Shoes but I held firm. Well, at least until the invention of the California Cooler and then I caved in. However, there are many things that I always have and always will say “no” to. On occasion, there are nights that I find myself without a martini glass firmly affixed to my hand and I still have a good time. Yes, I love my cocktails but not all the time. I have a friend who doesn’t drink except for the occasional glass of wine with dinner. When the check comes, she always owes a fraction of what my alcoholic ass does, so at the very least you can always relish the fact that you won’t go into the poorhouse to keep up with your friends. As for your friends, they will respect your decision to not drink. If they don’t, then they are assholes and not really friends. Anyone who pressures you to drink, smoke, do drugs or shoplift are only doing it to justify their own behavior. Stand firm in what you believe. There are a lot of ads out there for alcohol but who cares? The only thing I see advertised more is cars and I don’t even drive. Tune them out and order that Shirley Temple with pride. And rejoice that you only have to shell out two bucks for yours as opposed to the twelve bucks I have to come up with for my apple martini. Good luck
Love,
The Bitchy Waiter
Frank the Angry Lobster
I agree with the advice, you need to stick to what you like. Not saying you shouldn't have an adventure every now and then, but I've found that listening to friends who have a "good time" drinking doesn't lead to any fun for me. People think I'm self righteous, but I just hate alcohol. Nothing personal to people who drink it, but I've tried it before and it tastes terrible to me. I still have people try to tell me things like "You just haven't found the right drink, let me mix one for you that will kill off the alcohol flavor". I tell them I don't drink that shit and if it needs that much extra to make it good, I don't want it. They sound just like people who say they love fish when really they will only eat it if it's smothered in spices and butter and deep fried in fatback and so on. I say that watching other people make fools of themselves while drunk is much more fun than being the fool. I don't pity the fool, I raff out roud at them.TL;DR…I concur.
haruka
Thank you for not poking fun at people who choose not to drink. 🙂
Shannon Hilson
I agree with every word of this and think it's great advice. I enjoy the occasional cocktail these days, but when I was younger, I never drank. It was tough always being the only one without a beer in my hand and a lot of the time it meant I just shied away from being social. The thing was though, I just wasn't ready and didn't want to. When you are ready and do want to? You know when that is… if that time even comes around. There's nothing wrong with choosing not to drink. At all.
Right thinking
Such a sensible/sensitive reply, all things considered! Thanks I like your serious side as much as I like your humour.
Practical Parsimony
I did not drink until I was over 30. I just did not want to. Even then, I only drank at a party about twice a year. After I turned 35 and divorced, I drank more often until I realized what the drunken losers were doing was just plain stupid. Then, for about 5 years, I touched nothing. I just did not want to drink. Now, at 64, I may have a sip of champagne at midnight on NYE, or a glass of wine at Thanksgiving or Christmas. That's it for my drinking. Yes, in high school, I just left parties where there was drinking. Consequently, I was invited less. That's okay. Do you know what Fetal Alcohol Syndrom is? Look it up. Even guys can affect children's health if they drink. It is not just the girl's drinking that can harm an unborn child. For many years I have been the designated driver. I always feel well the next day and friends are grumpy and suffering. Orange juice suits me much better than the Screw Drivers I did love so much. Actually, water is usually what I drink when others have alcohol. I look 10 to 15 years younger than I am…not much alcohol in my whole life and none now, no drugs ever, no cigs ever, and quit tanning 30 years ago.Abstain proudly. Who cares what others think?Oh, I am a cheap date!
Corina 1.0
BRAVO BITCHY!!!!
Bouncin' Barb
Well put BW. Too bad more young kids don't stand up for what they believe in. They do it because everybody else is doing it.
Mama Sky
Im be no means a drunk but I have indulged over the years, especially before I turned 21. It was the 'norm' where I came from. I often found myself at parties where the person next to me was the local sheriff, or the person sitting on the other side was the high school principle as everyone passed a joint. I declined drugs but happily slurped up the alcohol. Thankfully Ive managed self control and kept my wits around me when Id drink. Once I turned 21 I stopped drinking. I began again last year but only once in a while. One night out every other month or so is enough for me. Once my kids are around the age where they begin to be curious about drinking and whatnot they will get the talk, the same talk we give them about sex- Facts then the Jesus Knows what your doing talk along with the you just dont do it till your an adult.
Nicole
I'm only 25 and I think this is great advice. I only drank one time with my friends before I turned 21 and after the big birthday…I quickly realized that it isn't everything it is cracked up to be. First of all, it's too expensive to go out and drink now and secondly, I have absolutely no desire to wake up with a massive hangover or headache for that matter. Trust me, after you've drank way too much, too many times…you'll realize that a nice margarita, glass of tea, or heck…even water is quite nice.
Wendy
I love you Bitchy Waiter!=-)
Tяainwяeck Tяagedy
Thanks so much for all the encouraging words everyone has to say. I was really torn when it came to the subject of alcohol. All throughout high school I was picked on for always being the "goody two shoes" and I didn't want my friends in college to think that I was a stick in the mud. But now I know that I can have fun and still stay sober. Thanks so much for taking the time to read my question. I really do adore your blog.
J.Day
Drinking isn't all it's cracked up to be. I myself don't drink very much, in fact, never been drunk. Tipsy but not drunk. I was usually the sober driver for my friends in college – figured I was cheaper than a taxi. People usually left $10 in my back seat for my "service". Sometimes it does suck that I don't get drunk with everyone else and let loose, but then . . . I get to remember all the shit they pulled. And I can tell on them to ANYONE. Especially future kids and grand-kids. ;o)
Anonymous
PS I should add I don't want her to drink either, just to conform. I just don't want her to drink. period.
Anonymous
Thank you for writing something serious regarding this topic. Really.I have been having a hard time at what to tell my 18 year old college freshman because she doesn't want to drink and says everyone drinks.She got all ready to go out for Halloween and ended up not going b/c everyone was already drunk at the party she was going to. The thing is if these kids are caught drinking under age they are kicked out of school – but the school won't enforce it.She doesn't want to drink for many reasons – but a big one is the threat of expulsion.I just feel sad for her [not because her friends make fun of her, they don't] but because she isn't getting to enjoy a simple party because she doesn't wish to be around drunk kids.Oh well – thanks for the advice. I am going to send her the link to this post. She'll appreciate your blog. She has her mother's warped sense of humor.
Mary A.
Great advice. Seriously. I started drinking when I was 15. The fact that I am still alive is proof that God exists. I have fallen asleep in a snowbank, woken up in all kinds of strange beds, and almost aspirated my own vomit not once, but twice. I stopped drinking when i was 35. I am not opposed to drinking — not at all. But being smart about it is way more fun than being a big fat slutty lush. Plus, hangovers suck.Really admire this person. Unless they are yanking your chain.
Sharlene T.
Excellent advice… He could always keep a notebook of the incredibly "important" pronouncements made by these friends under the influence and use them as a reminder of how ridiculous he could be, too… I enjoy wine with dinner and my companion doesn't drink, at all, yet it works… I do have to tell folks to stop trying to force him to drink, sometimes, and that really irritates me.