Got Milk?

Sometimes customers want as much as they can get away with a even if it means sacrificing their own health to get it. Many years ago when I worked at an all you can eat buffet, plenty of people took those words to heart. Maybe some of them looked at the sign and thought it said “all you can stuff into your pie hole until you almost need to throw up but not quite so it’s okay to go back and get three more pieces of cheesecake.” It was really kinda disgusting how much people would eat just because they had already paid for it. Never mind that little voice inside the head that’s saying “I’m full, enough already.” If it was included in the price then they wanted to at least take a bite of it.

It really bothered me when I saw people go up to the dessert table and take five different desserts because they couldn’t decide what they wanted. So they would just take one bite of each one and then discard it. Fucking wasteful. I watched another lady stuff a pile of rolls into her purse and then her husband had the nerve to ask me to go up to the buffet table and get him another piece of bread. I told him to ask his wife he could have one of hers since she had a baker’s dozen in her bag. But my favorite was this man who wanted to know what beverages were included with the buffet because he wanted to make sure he got one of each. This man had a mimosa, a Bloody Mary, some coffee, an orange juice and a soda. “So, is there any other drink that’s included that I haven’t had yet?” he asked me as he laughed to all if his friends. He really thought he was going to get his money’s worth, eh? “Ummm, how about a glass of milk to go with your waffle?” I suggested. Of course he said yes. I went to the side stand and got a pint glass, reached into the fridge and pulled out the half and half. The glass was filled to the rim with rich creamy fat and he hungrily took it from my eager hands. I sauntered back to the side stand and my friends and I waited to see if he would drink it. He drank every drop. We could hear his arteries clogging from across the room. I never did figure out how many calories were in that one glass of “milk.” In order to prove my high school math teacher right, I will now use the math that I swore I would never need in my real life. I shall calculate:

Two tablespoons of half and half has 40 calories and 2 grams of saturated fat (10% of daily allowance.)
Two tablespoons equals 1 ounce
There are 16 ounces in a pint.
Therefore, that pint of half and half had 640 calories and 32 grams of fat, meaning he consumed over 150% of his fat intake in that one glass of half and half.

But it was included in the price, so it’s okay. You’re welcome. And thank you to Ms. Huddleston who taught me how to use math. Kinda. That mathematical equation may or may not be accurate. If it’s wrong, Anonymous will let me know shortly. Oh and go here to look at my Etsy shop, okay?

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