You know I work in a music venue where everyone is required to have two drinks while there for the performance, right? And most people understand that and are fine with it. If it was me, I would have to ask what the maximum is because two cocktails is sorta like an appetizer for me with my entree being three more cocktails and dessert one fancy liqueur. But I don’t have a problem or anything. Really, I don’t.
I went to a woman the other day before the show started and asked my customary question: what can I get for you to drink? Now when I say drink, I am referring to the intake of liquid. Any liquid, be it water, juice, soda, beer or liquor. She crossed her arms, tilted her head down and then looked up at me over her glasses. (Do that motion, so you can really imagine what she looked like.) And then she snorted, “I don’t drink.” She said it all Judge Judy-like and condescending. What she meant was that she does not drink alcohol but what she said was that she doesn’t drink. Period. Like this poor woman must be so fucking dehydrated from not drinking anything that her insides must be a big pile of dust.
“Well, we have a two-drink minimum, so would you like for me to just put the minimum charge on your check?” Yes, I could have clarified that she could order water, but since she was being all high and mighty about it, I pretended to not understand. “Well, it hardly seems fair that just because I don’t drink alcohol I should be penalized for that,” she retorted. “Oh! You mean you don’t drink alcohol. I misunderstood. You said you don’t drink. Period. We also have bottled water and juices if you do drink other things.” She ordered two hot teas.
Why do so many people assume that when I go to their table to ask if they want something to drink, they assume I am pushing liquor on them? I am not trying to pull you over to the evil side of imbibing cocktails. I just want to make sure that your body is hydrated so you can remain healthy and happy. I care. Drink. It’s good for you.
1. A liquid that is fit for drinking; a beverage.
You see? It can mean a variety of things. It’s also a verb.
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