Yes, the coffee is hot, bitch

I don’t know what it is with old people, but I hope when I am old (in like six years from now) I don’t lose my taste buds. I guess after living through the depression and having to eat boot soup and newspaper sandwiches, they just don’t have the ability to taste anymore. Old people always send shit back. It’s never hot enough. Yesterday this lady asked me for a cup of coffee making sure to tell me she meant hot coffee and not iced coffee. Like I am an idiot. So I got her coffee and made sure there was steam coming from it because when there is steam that means it’s hot, right? Well, not when you serve it to an old dinosaur like this lady. Seriously, I think she was a first grade teacher for the caveman. She calls me over to tell me the coffee is cold. Not warm or luke-warm or even room temperature, but cold. She acted like it was one step away from being a coffee popsicle. So I smiled and resisted the temptation I had to knock her fucking false teeth out and went to get her some more coffee. OUT OF THE SAME POT. And guess what. By some miracle of miracles this coffee was much better. It must have been a magic freaking coffee pot that made it’s contents change temperature by 20 degrees in a matter of two minutes. I was nice to her because old people make me sad. I just made fun of her in the side stand because she had a huge herpe on her lip that she probably picked up from blowing men for apples in 1933. “Blowjob for an apple, sir?” I can just see her. She counted out her pennies for my tip and shuffled out of my station. She should have saved the money she spent on coffee and bought some fucking Abreva for that cold sore. It was so big, I almost gave it it’s own menu.

9 thoughts on “Yes, the coffee is hot, bitch

  1. kittiefuk

    That's like this old lady at my work who always sends her wine back because it tastes funny. So we go stand in the pass through for 2 minutes and "get her a fresh glass" which always "tastes much better", even though it's the same stuff we'd served her to begin with.

    1. Brandi

      The wine likely does taste better because it’s had an opportunity to aerate – makes a noticeable difference for more wines than is commonly thought. Your customer is just too ignorant to realize what’s happening. Keep doing what your doing 🙂

  2. sarah

    I know this is an old one, but I recently found your blog and have been catching up on old posts. When this happens to me I microwave the fuck out of the cup of coffee to where there is a chance that it was explode on them. Then it is too hot. lol

  3. Brandi

    Interesting post. I think I can spot why your senile provocateur approved of the second cup from the same pot. When poured into a cold glass, coffee loses heat in warming the glass/ceramic. To compensate for this, I pour hot water into a glass to heat the cup before dumping it and putting coffee into it. I also get huge tips. I believe the two are correlated.

    Hope this tip helps you get tips.


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