Yeah, we don’t have that


So this man came into my place of employment yesterday with his whore wife and their two whore children. They sat at a whore booth and let the kids play with the sugar caddies because that’s what whore children like to do. I swear to God, what is the appeal of dumping a sugar caddie out in the table? I want to market it for the latest toy craze and make a million dollars on it. The kids play with that shit like it’s a freaking Cabbage Patch doll, or whatever the latest craze is. (I know the Cabbage Patch craze was like 25 years ago, so shut up.) Anyhoo, he orders a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for his boy whore child. It’s not on the menu. I tell him we don’t have it and he looks like he is going to have a stroke or heart attack or some shit. “What? You don’t HAVE peanut butter and jelly?” Nope, we don’t have that. If it’s not on the menu, that means we DO NOT HAVE IT. After he lifted his jaw off the floor he decided to order a bagel and he asked for it with jam. No problem. Then a light bulb went off over his head. He says to me, “so you have jam and you have bread and you must have peanut butter some where, but I can’t order a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for my bastard son the retard?” Nope, we don’t have that. “But-” Nope, we don’t have that. “well maybe you can-” Nope, we don’t have that. Meanwhile his wife finally pulled her head out of her ass and said to him to let it go. If it ain’t on the menu, don’t order it. Just because we have the ingredients to make a coconut fucking cake does not mean we are going to make one. We also have the ingredients to make whore child stew but don’t order it. (The recipe is very simple. It’s bits of whore child into boiling water with a carrot and bullion cube. But don’t order it because we don’t have it.)
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7 thoughts on “Yeah, we don’t have that

  1. Anonymous

    I never actually laugh out loud. Not when I'm alone anyway, if it's not around other people, I don't see the point. I swear to Alli and Jeebus that I just read this and laughed for two minutes.

    Reply
    1. MissB

      Well toots we all need a flippin vacay don’t we? I am taking by your comment that the establishment which employs you does not do 1000 covers at dinner, 4+ months out of the year. While keeping the average well above the 500 mark for 6 of the remaining months. Honey, if the only thing your darling little tyke will eat is PB&J I suggested you carry it with you, because I will not go back and throw a wrench in the well oiled machinery that is our kitchen to add another dollar to my gratuity. I am ringing $1500 up on any given shift. I could do not care if your overweight, anti-social, i pad toting toddler has his God damn sugar fix for the day. Play nice or I will make you last. End of story.

      Reply
  2. Michael rockwell

    Totally Agree, A good kitchen is a high paced production line, They do not have time to step out of line to go and get peanut butter, if they did it would be on the menu to begin with! Order off the menu people, if you don’t like the menu then go somewhere else that is more suitable to what you are after, teach your children to also order off the menu, Chefs spend a lot of time to make sure the food is delicious. and normally only stock the items it takes to prepare the food that is advertised on the menu.

    Reply

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