What is that smell??


Have you ever been in a restaurant enjoying the company of good friends and savoring the taste of food that was made just for you when you are suddenly overcome with a rancid odor? An odor that surely came from the depths of hell where the devil lives in a palace of rotten boiled eggs, cabbage and asparagus. If it seemed to come out of nowhere and then fade away just as quickly, there is a very good chance that your server just farted at your table. Every server has done it but few will admit to it. I freely admit that I will fart at any table that gets on my nerves. So basically what I am saying is that I fart at every table I serve. All of them. I had about 40 tables today so I farted at least 80 times because I always do it at least twice for each check. Some may call it passive aggressive while others will call it immature but really it’s just a basic human function when a reflex expels intestinal gas through the anus so get the fuck over it. If a table is being a supreme asshole than waiters will do what is known as a “Hippopotamus Fart”. This is when all the servers at one time manage to get near the asshole’s table and let one at the same time and then walk away. So the next time you smell that familiar funkity funk, don’t blame it on the gruyere cheese that came on your Croque Madame. Blame it on yourself, because you probably pissed off your waiter and were paid back with a good old-fashioned Hippopotamus Fart.
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15 thoughts on “What is that smell??

  1. Anonymous

    I would call the manager over and let them know, that I know what is up. I know that you are farting and I am not paying for a meal where you are farting at my table. At this point I would say, the food was nasty, I couldn't eat it. I would vomit at the table if I have to. I would call the health department. I would even yell hair in my food. I would yell roach, rat, or whatever I had to do. No money no tip, you fart, your screwed….

    Reply
    1. Erica

      The fuck? Seriously? Do you really think they would do any fucking thing about it? The health department would laugh at your pathetic ass! Where is your proof? Are you five? “He farted on me mommy do something” …show me the hair, roach, or rat…show me the fart…do you have a heat sensitive hidden camera? There is absolutely nothing anyone would or could do for you. Dumbass.

      Reply
    2. Codex13

      If you’re the kind of person who would do something like that, I can’t imagine you find many posts on this site amusing.

      Reply
    3. Will

      Not only would you get laughed at for your hysterics, we’d probably ask you to leave and not come back. What a fucking baby.

      Reply
  2. Anonymous

    I would call the manager over and let them know, that I know what is up. I know that you are farting and I am not paying for a meal where you are farting at my table. At this point I would say, the food was nasty, I couldn't eat it. I would vomit at the table if I have to. I would call the health department. I would even yell hair in my food. I would yell roach, rat, or whatever I had to do. No money no tip, you fart, your screwed….

    Reply
  3. Whitney

    I love this! We do it all the time to tables that just won't leave! We call it "crop dusting". We all will randomly walk by the table and rip one. Take the hint you asshole table campers!

    Reply
  4. Karina

    more like GASsive aggressive! hehe, but there is a necessary technique i think. you can’t exactly rip one right at the table then walk because the cloud will follow you, ya know, and might be delivered to the wrong target. so the trick is to release your fowl howl a table or two before so you bring the cloud to the right table. hehe.

    your blogs are lotsa fun. thanks for that.

    Reply
  5. Joey B

    I work at the place(s) that smell so bad from the sewer that now I have eating disorder . Trust me .Ask my husband . I’ve lost 30 lbs just by not eating & beeing sick all the time .My fault for staying there I guess .I was just trying to pay my bills. I can’t take the smell tho . When I walk in and it hits me on the face & I have to think to myself : I can’t believe we get any business here , cuz it smells so bad…

    Reply
  6. Joey B

    Btw -I’ be never farted at a table . I don’t really think it’s decend and always feel bad if We ( employees) have to share the bathroom w/customers.

    Reply
  7. Joey B

    The pseudo -Italian restaurant I work at has a severe sewer problem …Trust me it should be called Fecal Matter . It’s old and dirty and the food suck BAAAD . I love most of my co- werks , but I’m looking for something else cuz the shit stench is overwhelming . I can’t believe ppl want to eat on the patio …. It is so gross … It smells like rotten eggs .The valet told my Husband -Is the sewers , Signor , the sewers … The City came …looked around … Left …scratching their heads ” Well …there’s nothing we can do here …well ” It’s a giant corporation , belongs to some hollyweird douche that they can’t fuck with .Trust me -it is disgusting … U would never eat here smelling that odor .And the food …geezus Chef Boyardee is a fuckin gourmand next to these assholes . I been throwing up ever since I work for these vampires -months .I got serious eating disorder now cuz I’m so grossed out .And our dish pit …. I think Hell has better kitchen . Btw my ” Bosses” are a lazy , rude , xenophobic nightmare .I need to wake up . Coupons , Groupons ….u need the MGR for that . …Everyfuckin body has a discount (printed in really tiny letters 12 digits). & the Fat Grey Bitch gets pissed every time u ask 4 a swipe …Cuz she is hiding behind a tree with American Spirit dangling from her lip playing video poker (true experience ) Bitch ,please -we don’t need a mgr -we just need mgr CARD …

    Reply
  8. Joey B

    We got a B from H Depart on New Year’s Eve and I was the part of a cleaning team . Was there 12 hrs . Not allowed to take a break or eat . I thought : ” why not just throw a granade or kerosene and a match and mayby move to another location ? It would be easier than trying to clean this shit …I’m looking for decent employment , I’m sick of feeling sick … They are so foul …it’s like eating ur dinner in a chicken coop , if u from the country u know what it smells and looks like . I would miss my co-werks …but I need no 3 $ on 60$ + verbal tip after the discount they got … .Its like Vietnam of service .The good thing is – I think I got funnier .I want to do Stand Up.I make my cool tables squirt the coffe thru their nose w/my jokes .I think I’m pretty good .

    Reply

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