We don’t like children


The restaurant I work in is not for children. I don’t like kids. Cute ones are not any better than ugly ones, they all suck. However, people have in their head that our restaurant is for their children and constantly bring them in. When they come in with their offspring in the giant strollers and push furniture around to accommodate themselves it really pisses my shit off. For two Wednesdays in a row we have had a fucking Mommy and Me group overtake us. Nine women come in with at least nine strollers and then get all upset that there is no place to park them. Really? Why don’t you park it up your fat asses, ladies? They take over a whole section and barricade themselves in behind the strollers. It’s like the freaking Great Wall of China but instead of brick it’s made of stroller and baby. And I can’t get to the table to do the job that I don’t want to do anyway. I have to navigate through the Stroller Wall being careful to not wake the little darlings just so I can take nine orders of salads with everything on the side and low fat dressing because they are all trying to lose their baby weight. Heads up ladies, the low-cal dressing that I am serving you is actually full fat because I don’t give a shit about your baby weight. And you can all choke on the slices of lemon that you want for your water. You sit in my station for two hours and ignore your bratty crying whore children and ring up a check for 75 bucks and then tip me 10%. We don’t have a children’s menu, we don’t have crayons or paper, the music is going to stay loud because that’s what we do and we do not have American cheese. Get over it. Take your ugly baby and roll it down to McDonald’s for a kiddie meal and while you’re there get yourself a large number 5 combo because that baby weight is here to stay and you may as well live it up.

4 thoughts on “We don’t like children

  1. Krissy

    I went into Chili’s today to fill out an app, and immediately after I walked into the restaurant I spot a gigantic stroller to my right just chillin' in the waiting area because there's no room for it, of course, in the dining area. I laughed so hard to myself because all I could think of is you and your hatred towards babies and their strollers.I love you, Bitchy!

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  2. Zoey

    I do NOT understand the stroller thing at all. For one thing it’s about 20 million times more difficult and time-consuming to the mother to put the child in it, pack all their shit into the storage compartments, and wheel it into the restaurant, than it is to simply bring in the carrier and or put the kid in a highchair. To be honest, I don’t go out to eat much anymore because it’s a hassle for the waiter and myself. Not to mention the fact I’m stuck saving for a 2034 college fund before I’ve even paid off my own fifty grand in student loans, so it’s not like I can afford all the tequila and dessert I’m secretly dying to order, anyway.

    When well-meaning, non-reproducing friends invite me out to lunch to “get out of the house,” I usually decline and suggest something else. Dining out with kids just is not fun for anyone involved.

    PS: Mommy-and-Me things annoy the piss out of me. I’d rather get coffee with my single, still-baby-crazy friends who insist upon doing all the work for me to give me a break, and for conversation about anything. other. than. babies.

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  3. GORE

    “giant strollers”

    THOSE GAWDAWFUL THINGS SHOULD ALL BE TAKEN AND CRUSHED!

    “For one thing it’s about 20 million times more difficult and time-consuming to the mother to put the child in it, pack all their shit into the storage compartments, and wheel it into the restaurant, than it is to simply bring in the carrier and or put the kid in a highchair.”

    These horrible COWS only uses these gigantic monstrosities to show off their ugly kids. THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR GIANT STROLLERS TO EXIST!

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  4. Joey B

    Agree . I too waited on those Momster & Me harpies . They always came in packs of 9 . Why is it a magic number ? 9 enormous fuckin 4 wheelers . 9 salads & diet cokes w lemon or ” just water cuz I’m cheap “. Every.Fukken.Tuesday. I always ended up w/ them cuz I always take bullet go my co-werks. They told me that they used to go to local pizzeria ( 1 notch above dominoes ) that was next door to their stupid class , but got kicked out … Trust me Bitchy -My Brother -I lived every story u tell . I got some good ones myself .Hope to meet You someday . It will be Epic .I love You BW -u keep me sane since 2013 (along with Taaka – cheap vodka & weed ) . Can’t wait to buy The Book .Its like waiters Bible , but I have no cred card .Love Forever -U are a STAR , 5 Stars actually – love all of u who love BW -Lets unite- Joey B from Van Nuys CA:)) Fuckin hot here . Must be close to hell .

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